EDIT 5/11/2014: Guys. GUYS. STAAAHHHP. This journal is fucking FIVE YEARS OLD, and that's about how old all of you are acting. I would say sorry for ~ruining your life~ by venting about your favorite sparkly animoo, but I'm not. And if your whole identity is really tied up in a fucking fandom, you have serious issues. Seek help. Disabling comments when I can, because whether you're trying to prove some stupid point to me, defend me, or logic this out with me, you're all equally retarded. Go home, boys and girls, show's over!
So a few friends have been asking me lately what I've got against this inexplicably popular series that seems to have popped up recently called Axis Powers Hetalia. They love it... and I HATE it. Hate it hate it hate it!!! But the mere fact that it fills me with boiling rage everytime I think about it is not a good enough reason for them, so I guess I'll try to piece together why it pisses me off so very much. -I'm- not even entirely sure why I dislike it so much, so this'll be a learning experience for everyone involved, hmm?
First off: the concept. Yes, it's kind of a cute idea. Anthropomorphization of anything can be fun if done well. The problem is, it's not done well. This wouldn't be such a big deal if the series wasn't so fucking popular. You can get away with some historical errors if you're a little podunk webcomicker with a solid twelve fans, but not if your series is so big that it gets turned into an anime. And the whole WWII thing is just in bad taste, especially coming from Japan, a country that, to this day, tends to deny any wrongdoing in WWII. And that's certainly not me hating on Japan, that's just a fact.
Second, the characters. Jesus-fucking-Christ-on-a-cross, the goddamn motherfucking characters. Talk about the most uninspired, unoriginal, impossible to tell apart, two-dimensional, and flat-out insulting cast of characters you've ever seen!! It pisses me off both as an artist and as a writer to see so much praise heaped upon such bland, poorly-designed characters. Yes, you can argue that they're supposed to be stereotypes or something and ignore the fact that none of them have any sort of engaging personality. Fine. Whatever. Have your Sues and eat them too. But couple that with the genericness of their aesthetic design and the already-poor art style of the original comic and you have a perfect piss-off-Lissa cocktail. Note to any budding artists out there: changing the hair/eye color/style of a person DOES NOT A NEW CHARACTER MAKE. If people tend to confuse your characters with each other, you are doing it. Fucking. Wrong.
Third, the history. Listen, Mr. Hotshot-Hetalia-Writer, if you're not going to do your fucking research, don't get anywhere NEAR the subject of world history to "satirize" (and APH is not satire, as this Deviant's journal kindly points out). The history of any given country, particularly of the powers involved in WWII, is a touchy, objective, and sometimes downright painful subject. To not handle the matter with care is a surefire way to piss off anyone whose life has been affected by things like the Holocaust or the bombing of Hiroshima and Nagasaki or September 11th. If I've heard correctly, the comic completely glosses over the Holocaust. It's a comic about fucking World War II. Either include ALL of the war, both what little good is there to be found and the bad, or don't fucking cover the war at all. See what I mean? The very idea of trying to make light of such a dark part of history is incredibly offensive... and that's coming from someone who, to my knowledge, hasn't really been affected by WWII. Hell, I don't even give a damn about history and I don't claim to know much about it, I nearly failed that class a couple times. But I DO care about making fun of people who have done nothing wrong, and a LOT of innocents were wronged in that war. To pretend their suffering just didn't happen for the sake of entertainment is nothing short of despicable.
And I've saved the pettiest reason I hate Hetalia for last: the fucking fandom. I'll readily admit that mainstream anything tends to piss me off. Not always, but pretty damn often. I wouldn't even call Hetalia "mainstream," but it's popping up in enough places I frequent to REALLY get under my skin, DeviantART being the biggest offender here. A few people don't care for Hetalia because they're squicked by the yaoi it spawns. Well guess what? I love yaoi, and that's yet another reason I'm so pissed off by APH!! It's one thing to pair up fictional characters from a story and another entirely to slash entire countries with one another... and be entirely serious when you do so. If you were poking fun in an Encyclopedia Dramatica sort of way, fine by me. "OLOLOL THAT COUNTRY IS SO THAT OTHER COUNTRY'S BITCH LOLOL" and move on. But then people write fanfics and draw fanart of these bishounen that are supposed to represent countries and make them boink? And they actually try to make it serious? Excuse me?? I'm sorry, but the idea of countries even being attracted to one another is one I find so absurd as to be laughable. Countries, even anthropomorphized ones, do not have "relationships" with each other. It's all strictly business. Sure, you CAN twist all that around to fit your sparklypoo slashfics, but then you come right back to the issue of that whole "pissing off people" thing. Let's insult an entire generation of people for a silly little yaoi story. That sounds like a wonderful idea.
So there you have it, my overly wordy explanation for my anti-Hetalia-ness. All of that, plus the fact that I'm just really fucking sick of hearing about/seeing APH everywhere. Sane, rational people are treating this series like it's the best fucking thing to ever happen ever and that sentiment is pissing me off. It's not cute, it's not clever, it's not well-done, and no matter how many times you say otherwise, the fandom is fucking retarded... as most fandoms are.
And now I'm going to go read some nice, unoffensive, plotless yaoi to cool my rage - yaoi that is nothing more than two guys that are hot and want to sex it up. Nothing deeper than that. WHICH IS HOW IS SHOULD BE DAMMIT.